Stress Free Mama

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More Stress in Women than Men

As a woman and a mother, you juggle the needs of many people and the many roles you play. Whether or not you work outside the home, your job is not done at 5:00pm; nor is it done at 9:00 when the kids go to bed. You work from rising to sleeping. And throughout your days, you face repeated stressful events.

Women’s stress is frequent and constant. Now there is a study to prove it. The University of Arizona, Tucson did a study of 166 married couples. The people in the study kept a daily diary for 42 days, recording their daily events and stress.

The study concluded that stress in women is higher than in men.

The results make an important distinction, however. Women are more stressed because they experience more episodes of distress and not because they carry their distress from one day to the next.

This is an important insight into women’s stress. I think it reflects some of the differences in how men and women are wired.

  • Women multi-task. Women juggle so many roles and duties that they bump into stressful situations more often. Instead of starting one thing and completing it to the end, you have many priorities at once and this is bound to create conflicts.
    • Perhaps one conclusion is that women need to muti-task less. Would stress in women decrease if you completed one task fully before starting the next? Stop calling the dentist while driving to the grocery store. Say no to volunteering at church and stop splitting yourself into many little parts.
    The other conclusion is that even though you multi-task, can you learn to focus your attention on what you are doing now, and not worry about what is coming next. How many times do you plan what you will do after dinner, while you are making dinner? Be busy, but be busy with one thing at a time. Keep your attention single pointed.
  • Women let go of distress but they have lots of stressors. According to this study, women’s stress was caused by many stressful events one after the other; it was not caused by carrying stress from one event to the next. So women let go of an event when it happens, but there is always another one down the line.

Could this study reflect how unsupported many women are in their everyday lives? Few women have a community of family or friends which help them everyday. Often you shoulder the burdens of your children and spouses alone. Maybe women are stressed because they need more help?

The study goes to great length to discuss whether women’s stress is caused by their different gender role from men or because they process distress differently, but in the end, it doesn’t matter. As a woman, you need to find the ways which create peace in your life.

Stress in women is high. You carry a big responsibility to your family, friends and loved ones. It is important to make your well-being as important as the well-being of the people you care for.

Find peace for the benefit of everyone you love.

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Stressed Moms have Unique Challenges

The special role mothers have as caregivers both nurtures us and creates stressed moms.

Mothers are here to care for others.

We are hard wired to serve others. This trait makes our stress unique. Unlike other stressed people, when we need to reduce stress, we must not just disengage from our duties and responsibilities, but we must disengage from our natural inclination to care for those we love over the needs of ourselves.

Another way to view it: Caring for ourselves is one way to care for our loved ones.

Stressed mom pushing a grocery cartStressed Moms.

Stressed Moms are everywhere.

At the grocery store, a woman in business clothes pushes the cart with her 5 year old, trying to sound interested in the story about the cereal. The tensed lips, and the overly strong “Mommy really needs your cooperation now.” are the give-aways. She has 35 things to do before she gets home, and she is quickly feeling like she’s failing at all 35.

Our modern life has created this stressed mom, and while getting out of the cycle of stress is difficult for everyone, it is particularly difficult for a mother. The last thing she needs is to think that she must take a drawing class to relax. When would it be? Before or after the grocery store?

The Unique Problem of Stressed Moms:

  • We serve. We give. We help.
As mothers, our lives are designed with the needs of others first. And now that many mothers work outside the home, we give at the office and come home to give at home. We never get down time.
Mothers are made for this job, and can flourish in it. But modern life has pushed the demands to the maximum, while reducing the support to a stressed mom to a minimum. The system is bound to crash.
  • Because so many people rely on us, when a stressed mom needs to take time for herself, she feels like others will not get what they need in order for her to get what sheneeds.
How do you fit in a yoga class when the kids need to get to soccer?
This is a real and valid concern of stressed mothers, and adds to the level of stress.
Compound this with the statistic that around 25% of mothers are single, then the question about how to find time for oneself becomes even more vexing.
    • A mother’s brain is a never ending “things to do” list. Another way to say this is that a mother is never done with her chores. Unlike an executive who can complete a project, a stressed mom always has more to do. There is no project completion party.
    • As the snowball of stress grows, many mothers feel more stress delegating and instructing her family to help, than to do it. Lacking a system of help at home, many stressed moms just grow more stressed.
  • Like all mothers before us, moms are the heart of the family. Now, many mothers must be the brains at work as well.
When the mother’s world was closer to home, all of a mother’s tasks would have a theme of directly building the home for her family–growing food, cooking, mending clothes, teaching, raising the children, caring for the sick. She had one job description which predominantly involved more heart centered, right brain tasks.
Now mothers must often work outside the home. She must shift every morning and every evening from right brain to left, from heart to head. When her kids need to talk about their hard day, she must ignore her work deadline. And when she’s at work, she must focus on her job, and not on sick kids at home.
A work-outside-the-home mother’s life requires two opposing skills, and this is stressful. We can never do one skill completely.
  • A modern mother is disconnected from the woman’s community. Even stay-at-home-mothers do not have the companionship and support of other moms. My 80 year old friend tells me about how she would go to a fiend’s house and work together during the day to complete their tasks. For many women today, their closest women’s community is watching Oprah.
Mothers need each other to replenish themselves. When stressed moms get together, after a chat, some tea and cake, and some good girl-friend talk, they are often revived and ready to go home and work again. But few women get this support.

To find out more about Stressed Moms, please view the resources below.

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Office Stress Relief Keeps You Healthy

Woman and her doctor discussing stress reliefA new study reminds us of the absolute importance of office stress relief.  Researchers from a BioMed Central Public Health study found that stressful workplaces result in higher doctor’s visits–both to general practitioners and to specialist.  In other words, if you have a high-stress job, you’ll probably notice that you have more illnesses, aches and pains.

Of course, that’s not news.  I think it’s intuitive that high-stress situations make us sick.

But what can you do about it?  If your work is stressful, how can you find office stress relief?

There was a time when my first advice would be to consider whether you want to continue your job.  Obviously this should be considered if it’s possible.  But with the economy so terrible, many people can’t leave their jobs and need to figure out how to cope with the job they have.

Stress Relief at the Office

The first line of attack is finding physical stress relief.  Can you use your breaks and lunch as a time to rejuvenate?  Can you take a walk or read or meditate.  Years ago I worked in an office that was in a warehouse.  There was a bare attic room that wasn’t used for anything.  I cleaned it up and used it for a 20 minute yoga session during my lunch break.

It’s important to remember to move and stretch to keep your body relaxed.  Get up from your computer at least once/hour.  Stretch your back and shoulders.  Do a twist.  Keep your body moving.

Remember to eat well and drink lots of water (not coffee or soda!).  Good nutrition helps your body cope with office stress more efficiently.

Reduce Office Stessors

The second way to find office stress relief is by removing, reducing or avoiding the stressors that make your job uncomfortable.  Can you delegate some of your work?  Can you re-define the scope of your work?  Can you renegotiate a deadline that’s unrealistic?  You may not have lots of control of your job, but take advantage of any ways you can customize your workload to be less stressful.

If the stress is interpersonal, can you find a new way to work with your nemesis?  Sometimes a small tweak in how you react to someone changes the dynamic significantly.  Get help or advice from someone you trust.

It may seem hard to find office stress relief but without it, your chance of ending up in a doctor’s office rises significantly.  If you like your good health, take your office stress seriously.