Stress Free Mama

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What is Stress?

All around us, people are coping with stress–our friends, our family, our co-workers–even our children. But what is stress? And what about stress debilitates us so much?

As mothers, we are particularly susceptible to stress because of the many and varied responsibilities we carry. As I write this, I am trying to build a website, monitoring the kid’s homeschooling, planning what clothes they need for winter, preparing myself for my next client, ignoring my dirty house, making sure we have what we need for dinner, mediating my children, and, to top it off, today I am trying to plan a yoga class so I can relax. Am I prone to stress? You bet.

What is Stress?

The term stress is used popularly to describe two different things.

The first definition of stress is the events, environments or stimulus which we perceive as endangering us and which cause us to react. These can more accurately be called “stressors”. The second use of the word stress is about our bodies’ and minds’ reaction to the stressors, and can more accurately be called “stress reaction”.

The distinction between stressors and stress reaction is important because we are always surrounded by stressors, yet we don’t always go into a stress reaction.

Once we recognize this, we can begin to manage our bodies’ stress reactions.

Stress + Modern Life = Chronic Disease

Most of the time, we recognize stress by our outer symptoms–headaches, sore muscles, irritability. It’s important to understand that these symptoms are not the only results of stress, but are, in some cases, the least significant effects of stress. Constant, unabated and chronic stress is a lead player in our modern melée of disease.

Diabetes, heart disease, irritable bowel syndrome, psoriasis, and colds all can result from chronic stress. And while stress may not cause many other diseases, it can set the stage for inflammation which can then cause disease.

Stress forms a partnership with many factors of our modern life (poor nutrition, lack of exercise and toxic overload) which leads to chronic disease and conditions which we now view as inevitable or expected.

Your physical body is not the only victim of stress. When our bodies are under stress, the chemistry changes and this can so deeply affect us that we can not control our emotions any more than a pregnant woman can keep from bursting into tears. Our bucket is full.

One extra drop and we spill over, wetting everything and everyone around us.

When chronic stress takes its toll, our health, our jobs, our relationships and our sanity are at risk.

To learn about Stress

Chronic Stress: Chronic stress results from bodies ill-adapted to modern sustained stress environments.

Stress Cycles: Stress cycles around and around, creating more sensitivity to stressors and therefore increasing our stress.

Stressed Moms: Stressed moms have unique challenges to begin to relax. Why is it so hard to take time to slow down?

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Thoughts on Stress Free Living

Time management, exercise, nutrition, breathing… Thoughts on stress free living–what is the core of the problem?

Stress involves a cycle of steps; stressors lead to stress reactions which decrease our health and increase our sensitivity to the stressors. Each step increases the effect of the next.

Often we stop the cycle by reducing the stressors in our lives (time management, learning to say ‘no’ to commitments, etc.). Sometimes we reduce our reactions to the stressors (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, relaxation techniques, etc.). And other times we simply support our bodies to better cope with the stress (good nutrition, exercise, yoga, etc.).

But what is the Big Picture?

Why there is so much stress in modern life?

Yes, our lives are busy. There’s hustle, bustle, crazy deadlines and lots of demands. Still, some people can remain calm and happy in the midst of it all, and others fall apart.

We are disconnected from our true selves.

In our modern lives, we have forgotten our purpose. We don’t know why we are here and we don’t sing our unique melody.

In Tsalagi (Cherokee) belief, one of the causes of disease is to not utilize the gifts you were given in this life.

The discord of how we live our lives and who we really are leads to decisions which are disharmonious. Our lives blast rock ‘n roll while our inner beings hum classical. Since we don’t know our own song, we get lost in the bustle bustle, the materialism and the chaos of life. We travel in a direction which we were never intended to take.

The process of reclaiming ourselves can be long as we untangle the knot of poor choices. In the beginning, it is hard to even know what is wrong and what is right.

To live stress free, we must find enough quiet to hear ourselves, and we must become clear enough and strong enough to act on it. We are both the song of ourselves and the symphony of everything around us. When we receive the vibration of the Divine, and channel it into our own Divine Purpose, we have the energy to do whatever we must, without stress or effort.

Start with your Daily Habits

The easiest ways to start the process of recovering yourself is with external habits which take you from your daily life deeper inside yourself.

  • Meditate–or at least sit quietly. There are many mediation techniques and one can easily get lost trying to find the right one. For now, if you are an absolute beginner, keep it simple. Promise yourself to sit in a chair quietly for 10 minutes every day.

    Just sit still.

    Notice how you feel. Notice what you think about. Don’t sleep. Don’t day dream. Don’t do anything. Just sit.

    Oh–and don’t start to stress. Mediation is not supposed to make things worse!

    Sitting can be a challenge. In no time you can feel bored, frustrated, or your mind will wonder with your list of things to do.Practice sitting.

    If this suits you, then look for some deeper meditation practices to guide you.

  • Woman taking relaxing walk in winter forestTake walks. Commit to a 20 minute walk everyday. No jogging. No talking on the cell phone. Just walk. Breathe. Notice what’s around you.
  • Follow your secret passion. Have you always wanted to dance? Learn the bag pipes? Rock climb? Take up that dream you have always had and see how the enthusiasm of playing can lead you to new possibilities. Living stress free can be fun too.
  • Indulge in little luxuries. As stressed mothers it is especially important to tenderly care for ourselves. We devote ourselves to others so much that it is no wonder that we lose ourselves. Take time every week to do something strictly for yourself, something which reminds you of who you are when you are not a wife, mother, daughter, co-worker or PTO member.
  • Buy the Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron, and do the exercises. Julia’s book helps artists re-find their muse through a series of weekly steps. View yourself as the artist creating your own life. Awaken the playful child in yourself, follow your dreams and ignore the voices telling you to stop.
  • Say a prayer. Connect with your Higher Power and let your relationship with the Divine guide you.
  • Make a practice of following your thoughts. Stress free living emerges when you stop torturing yourself with what could, should or would have been and just live quietly in the present. Focus your thoughts on stress free living.

When my thoughts careen out of control, I remind myself over and over:

“Right now, for this moment, I am safe, happy and everything going fine.”

This silly mantra keeps my worries for the future or regrets of the past from ruining my current day. It keeps my thoughts on stress free living.

It is quite revealing to learn how often my problems are from my thoughts. Stress free living is begins when we can master our mind.

I spend relatively little time actually tending to a problem, and when I do, it is usually more stressful thinking about it than doing something about it.

Deeper Peace

These thoughts on stress free living are only the beginning. Once we have quieted our daily lives, and reclaimed our creativity and playfulness, we can begin moving even deeper. Eventually we will be so familiar with the place of peace inside ourselves that the little luxuries and daily habits of quietness become pleasant additions to our lives, but not necessary crutches. We can find peace regardless of the turmoil around us.

Peace in any situation, regardless of the circumstance, is the true core of stress free living.

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Multitasking – The Stressful Truth

Woman Mutitasking with Baby, Laundry, Phone and IronA recent study published in the December 2011 issue of the American Sociological Review and described in USA Today shows that women do a lot of multitasking.  Working moms multitask more than working dads (48 hours vs. 39) and when they are home, they multitask more housework than working fathers (53% vs. 42%).  When multitasking involving childcare is calculated, working mothers beat working fathers once again (36% vs. 28%).

In fact, working moms spend two-fifths of their waking hours multitasking.

As a mother, this is not news to you.  You do the dishes as you help the kids with homework.  You play a game with the kids as you pay the bills.

But do you come out ahead?

Ann Bookman, from Brandeis University’s Heller School for Social Policy and Management, doesn’t think so.

As more and more women work full work schedules, they continue to do the bulk of childcare and housework.  Of course the work loads are more equal than they were years ago, but women still do the lion’s share.

This creates stress.

“This incredible focus on maximizing productivity at every moment has tremendous social and public health costs,” Bookman said. “…If you take a sample and very carefully analyze the numbers, you can begin to see in very graphic terms that women are still the primary caregivers and we are asking them to do just as much in the workforce.”

Women think they have it all figured out.  We just keep doing more.  To make this possible, we multitask.

But there is a price.

Stress takes a toll on your health, your relationships and your productivity.  You may think you’re getting more done, but eventually, you will crash.

The best way to relieve multitasking stress is to just do one thing at a time.  One thing.

Just do homework with your child.

Just do the dishes.

Just pay the bills.

Focus on being completely present with one task.

Of course you won’t get everything done but that is the point.  If you have to do two things at once, you’re doing too much.  When you do one thing at a time, you must prioritize the most important tasks and let the rest go undone.

This is not easy.  Many busy mothers believe that if they do less, they will let their families down.

How to End Multitasking

  • Ask for help.  Get spouses, friends, even your children to help out.
  • Simplify.  Prioritize your tasks and if something isn’t absolutely essential to your core values, let it go.
  • Say no.  Reduce your obligations to other people.
  • Take care of yourself first.  If you eat right, rest and exercise, you’ll be more productive when you do need to work.

When you multitask, you have the false impression that you are very productive.

Making the transition from multitasking to focusing on one task can be hard.  Start by making a commitment to spend 15 minutes tonight doing one thing.

How have you reduced your multitasking?

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More Stress in Women than Men

As a woman and a mother, you juggle the needs of many people and the many roles you play. Whether or not you work outside the home, your job is not done at 5:00pm; nor is it done at 9:00 when the kids go to bed. You work from rising to sleeping. And throughout your days, you face repeated stressful events.

Women’s stress is frequent and constant. Now there is a study to prove it. The University of Arizona, Tucson did a study of 166 married couples. The people in the study kept a daily diary for 42 days, recording their daily events and stress.

The study concluded that stress in women is higher than in men.

The results make an important distinction, however. Women are more stressed because they experience more episodes of distress and not because they carry their distress from one day to the next.

This is an important insight into women’s stress. I think it reflects some of the differences in how men and women are wired.

  • Women multi-task. Women juggle so many roles and duties that they bump into stressful situations more often. Instead of starting one thing and completing it to the end, you have many priorities at once and this is bound to create conflicts.
    • Perhaps one conclusion is that women need to muti-task less. Would stress in women decrease if you completed one task fully before starting the next? Stop calling the dentist while driving to the grocery store. Say no to volunteering at church and stop splitting yourself into many little parts.
    The other conclusion is that even though you multi-task, can you learn to focus your attention on what you are doing now, and not worry about what is coming next. How many times do you plan what you will do after dinner, while you are making dinner? Be busy, but be busy with one thing at a time. Keep your attention single pointed.
  • Women let go of distress but they have lots of stressors. According to this study, women’s stress was caused by many stressful events one after the other; it was not caused by carrying stress from one event to the next. So women let go of an event when it happens, but there is always another one down the line.

Could this study reflect how unsupported many women are in their everyday lives? Few women have a community of family or friends which help them everyday. Often you shoulder the burdens of your children and spouses alone. Maybe women are stressed because they need more help?

The study goes to great length to discuss whether women’s stress is caused by their different gender role from men or because they process distress differently, but in the end, it doesn’t matter. As a woman, you need to find the ways which create peace in your life.

Stress in women is high. You carry a big responsibility to your family, friends and loved ones. It is important to make your well-being as important as the well-being of the people you care for.

Find peace for the benefit of everyone you love.

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Stress and Health–How are they Related?

Woman smiling with good health
Modern life is stressful.

Cell phones everywhere, long commutes, dozens of after-school activities, caring for parents, jobs, bills… The list is long.

The list is so long that we have begun to think that stress is normal. Stress is acceptable. And we should all cope with stress valiantly.

In fact, people who refuse work because they are “too busy” are sometimes viewed as lazy.

But do our bodies agree with this social norm?

The evidence says, “NO”. Stress takes its toll.

High stress and good health do not usually exist hand in hand.

Conditions often linked with stress:

  • Heart disease, high blood pressure, strokes and other circulatory problems
  • Gastrointestinal problems including constipation, diarrhea, gas, bloating and weight-gain or loss
  • Immune system suppression
  • Skin conditions
  • Conditions associated with inflammation
  • Low libido
  • Headaches
  • Back aches

Too often we let stress run rampant and don’t address the toll on our body until it is very late.

Find out how stress and health are linked and natural ways to prevent illness.

Stress and Health:

Acne:

Insomnia:

High Blood Pressure:

  • Stress and High Blood Pressure: Is it inevitable to end up with hypertension if you have stress? And how do you relieve the high blood pressure naturally?

Asthma:

  • Asthma and Stress: Asthma and Stress can cycle together, each making the other worse. Learn how to improve your symptoms naturally and breathe easy.

Hair:

Sore Muscles:

Digestion: